13 Weeks Left…

So, as I had predicted, my senior year has been quite the rollercoaster. It STILL has not started its amazing “best year ever” phase… I am anticipating it greatly. So far, this year has consisted of never-ending spanish proyectos and mock orals, topics essays up the wazoo, really bad math tests, in-class essays, labs, college applications & essays, notifications of the end of my life, IB SHIT basically. (ha ha.. get it, i b shit. i be shit) oh, i’m so hilarious.

I’ve gotten to the point where i’ve truly appreciated this godforsaken IB diploma program — it has been intense academic training for me – and though i’d like to say it’s helped me with my time management, it hasn’t – because as any typical high schooler, i am a fan of procrastination. right at this moment, being one of the times i am the biggest fan of all because as i sit here and right (oh look at that, 10 min later, i finally realize i don’t know which “WRITE” to use… i’m so useless) this pointless journal entry only for the satisfaction of complaining, ranting and possibly the enjoyment of reading it in the future, i have countless responsibilities waiting in line for me to accomplish. These “responsibilities” might result in an all-nighter because I have an in-class paper 3 due tomorrow, an IB CAS essay .. and speaking of CAS i haven’t finished my hours, i have a spanish art presentation due tomorrow… and i believe i have forgotten some others. [story of my life]

The only satisfaction i have gotten through this is partial triumph for almost conquering the IB diploma — getting into a top 50 school in the nation, U Illinois Urbana & its rigorous competition this year, going to CABO in 13 days… and the best part im waiting for isn’t even graduation. PARIS on the 20th of June is my pot of gold. i can’t wait to see my uncle, work with him, be there for the ultimate EXPERIENCE haha, just BEING in Paris will be amazing … & also my monkeydoodle is coming up from Milan to see me (:

I’m extravagantly enthusiastic.

hectic

so school’s started….

senior year? — it`s definetly not all fun and games. it`s more of … lots of homework to kill you. that is, if you are trying to get ur IB Diploma. The rest of the kids pretty much have it easy.

The first week was a rude awakening.. i realized all i had to accomplish this year and now, overwhelming is an understatement. i can’t make up my mind about which 10 colleges i`m applying to, i`m only halfway done with my portfolio, i have to fill out a bunch of papers & write my resume, not only that, i probably will have to write more than a couple essays for colleges other than the application parts – SAT’s are coming up next month so i have to go to prep more, i have to catchup on my clubs – at the same time, finish all this homework and get A’s. i have piano, dance and IB TOK class after school during each week, sometimes one after another in one day. everything’s a dead weight on my shoulders. it’s unreal that all this is happening at the same time. i feel so lost i wish i were more prepared for this …

when overcome all that i have to, i`ve made a pact with myself that when i get into college, i will dye my hair with purple and turquoise highlights & get something pierced. i`m going to look like a freak, but like i care anymore. i don`t even bother to put on makeup or try to look good for school… not that i always do, but it just seems like i`m wearing the same thing everyday (but i`m not).

it’s only the 2nd week and i`m already half dead. i wonder what i`ll turn out like at the end of the year … ?

real lie say shin

there are moments — from time to time i get to thinking about certain issues in my life. i have no doubt that there is unconditional love from my family although there may be a lot of situations that causes strife in my mind.

People i really care about, let me down alot. but being stupid, i disregard these times and try to “forgive and forget” … though i can forgive.. i can`t forget. and this leads to regret — leads to certain grudges.. and although i know what to avoid and how to be cautious, sometimes i get caught up with the better of them and i completely forget how much vulnerability i’m allowing. i’ve always hoped that all i do for them will someday make them realize how much i care – but it never ever seems to have any effect on them. it’s like the people i think care about me, are more superficial with that sense of caring than what i expect. and i guess, all along i kind of knew this — but i don`t know how i kind of just let it go like it’s nothing.

i just wish that someday, i will find the right people to be around — who will be honest to me, honest to themselves, honest to our friendship. i won’t say that i hope this because i think i deserve this, although little part of me thinks i do –

but everything has a way of working out itself.

and i hope that it will come to me someday.

 

the latest

i had a dream that i was craving white castle burgers and when i found one in virginia!? while driving out of a dance thing O_o, i remembered i was dieting and only ordered ONE burger with fries and a cherry coke. how sad.. and then i said i was going to only eat half. but then we drove out and i decided i wanted to go to WENDY’S now…

maybe i need to eat a burger…….

HUELAAAAA

i went through another typical summer day today… but this time – i had SAT PREP to go to… man, i was there for like 3 hours doing my work. and my brain is stilll not functioning. i mean, for goodness sakes, i couldn’t figure out what 4b+b was. WTF IS WRONG with me. and then, i came home and horsed down some FRESH FRUIT =D … walked around the house and changed to go workout like usual. worked up a sweat, showered — went downstairs and made my tofu for dinner =D WOOOOOOO. watched gilmore girls with my mama & picked up my sista from dance. & then we rented movies

i just saw She’s the MAN. omg.. this has to be one of my new favorite movies … i almost peed in my panties laughing. and the whole channing tatum situation — OH MY HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOODNESS. is he a haw-teee or whaaat hahah =D. good stuff. even my dad was laughing [that barely happens with chick flicks] LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS MOVIE. =D

i`m so excited cus my mommy just bought like 3lbs of rainier cherries and lychee. YAY FRUIIIIIT. can you believe it… i turned from a fuddruckers burger, ice cream, fettucine alfredo, cheesssee, fries, tacos craving maniac fatso into a PSYCHO who loves broccoli, tofu and cherries [and thats all i eat now besides kashi cereal & chicken soup w/ wild rice]. you know, its not all that bad. you get used to it, you still CRAVE but i still fight it. but its not like i don`t eat ice cream or anything unhealthy occasionally — small portions does it for me. i`ve lost 7 lbs in a month. i`m going for another 5. but you all don`t need to know that. no one probably ever reads this anyway =D haha THATS WHY THERES SO MANY RANDOM UNNECESSARY FACTOIDS! ^___^

okay goodnighty night

my blood is boiling

sometimes, i just cant STAND my freakin sister… she`s so annoying — everything she does , its like she`s tryna prove to the world how dumb i am. its SO degrading and frustrating. lately i just can’t be around her, she keeps talkin and i just have to walk away and be somewhere else cus OH MY GODD i would’ve slapped her so hard so many times, she would`ve died.

i do alot for her, i`m not sure she ever realizes it… — i don`t get anything back from her BUT continuous taunting and mean jokes that she kNOWS can hit my buttons and make me explode. and when i DO get angry shes like. ‘geez. calm down whats wrong with you, i didn`t do anything” she doesnt know her limits and sometimes i wish i could just beat it into her brain. she knows certain things can hurt me but she doesnt stop taunting me about it… it`s like its funny to her to watch me die of my own misery.

i drive twice a week for her to go tutor and earn money. I don`t have to drive her, i could just tutor by myself and earn double the money. there’s always a schedule to be on, & she can’t commit. she sits at the computer, lookin at people’s myspace comments and pictures over and over and over again like she has no life. i`m sitting there, waiting for her after like 15 minutes when i’ve already told her to get dressed to go (and she’s still at the computer), when i could just go by myself. when my mom’s not home, i know my mom doesnt want us on the computer that much cus its a fucking waste of time basically.. so i tell her to get off after like 3 hrs . but shes like. you`re not my mom, don`t tell me what to do. im like… well just cus our mom isn’t here doesn’t mean that you can do whatever you want. what are you gonna do? wait until she gets home to see you and then get YELLED AT? dumbass.

the other day, she got bored and wanted to go rent a movie at like 10pm. i was tired as ASS but i was like. okay fine and i drove her there. she doesn’t know how much of a pain in the ass DRIVING everywhere is. and one time, i almost ate a whole box of cereal and she decided she was going to cry about it cus it was her favorite. grow UP whineyass. she never thinks about consideration for other people around her… she just takes what she wants and leaves none for others. she doesnt have to spend money for shit but she complains about buying a t-shirt for $3 instead of $6 and i cant drive her anywhere else cus im fucken tired. when we get home, she tells me that she wants that tshirt and i have to drive her to michaels to go get the damn tshirt for her dumb science project. of course, for once i didn’t give in and told her to find an old tshirt upstairs. she starts crying and yelling at me cus im selfish? and SHE’S NOT? then she says she wants a black tshirt and there are only white ones upstairs… i don`t know why she can’t just use a white tshirt for a ONE time DUMBASS science project?! and all the while, i`m cleaning the kitchen and washing the dishes. she even complains and yells about my pantiliners and how THEYRE NOT MINE CUS I DIDNT PAY FOR THEM. wtf man…. i picked them out, i asked for them – you don`t just jack shit from me you know? if you want your own dumb pantiliners, go buy them. cus that’s what i used to have to do, dumbshit.

it all sounds dumb and pointless basically… but when this shit piles up day after day after daaaay. i can`t DEAL with it anymore man.

—————————————————————–

i had another funky dream man. i pimped my infiniti j30 and got a new mp3 player that was transparent with BLUE LIGHTS. hahahah. the “pimp my ride” people were gonna give my car hot pink bumpers but i was likE OMG MY PARENTs ARe GONNA KEEL ME. so they just fixed it all up and put some PIMP shit in my carr maaaaaan. iono what else happened ..

andd!!!!! i had a dream YESTERDAY that i was dating this guy named vince from What I Like About You. and he was like oggling all over me at this party….with my parents around? O_o iT WAS WEIRD I TELL YOU…. but thats mostly all i remember.

my dream

i had the nnuuuttiest dream last night. i dreamt i went to this camp near a beach and there was co-ed living houses. they were kind of like beach houses. but anyway, i “fell-in-love” with this really cute BOY and we were “hitting it off” after only a couple days i think. everything was great until for some reason, some guy told him that i was deaf and couldn’t speak!? which was kind of…..O_o and then he did something mean to me. i forgot what it was… maybe he ignored me all day and i couldnt find him so i got frustrated or something. but anyway he passed by me on my way into our bedrooom and he tried to reach for me but i shook him off and walked away. and hes like WAIT DON`T LEAVE! and i screamed back something like.. leave me alone. and i walked to the beach and he chased after me (LIKE THOSE MOVIE SCENES).

and THEN… it flashed to a scene where my uncle (photographer for dior) for some reason, he was tryna do a photo shoot at the camp. and i was with him, helping him out and then my “boyfriend” comes up from the window gap thing on the photo shoot and starts to undress for the beach. apparently he was lookin for a job with my uncle and so he comes to talk to my uncle but he keeps sayin, no go away. and then he whispered to me, he doesn’t think that’ he’s gained any fat over the years! im ilke.. really….?? and then all of a sudden, my uncle goes, yeah, his boyfriend is such a nutjob, the kids a messed up scrawny little cokehead. im like WTF?! BOYfriend?!

and then it flashes to a weird scene, me & my “boyfriend” are in our room talkin about our problems and i was cleaning up while he talked about how it was okay that i was deaf and that he was gay (like it was nothing) and we could still be together. i think i just sat there looking at him he was like a shitfaced fool from pluto. and then i just woke up cause at that point.. it was just CREEPY.

[productivity]

i did the first bit of learning ever (this summer) today. and it was torture. my brain doesn’t function anymore. its still on hibernate. do you ever get that feeling when you`re trying to do somethin and you KNOW you can do it but you just CAN’T at the moment and you feel like you’re stuck in pile of doodoo. and then you beat yourself up about it and then you`re like why am i beating myself up? i should kick someone else’s ass. and then you bang on the desk until you workup a hunger for peanut butter cereal puffs. that’s what i did today. and damn right i ate those puffs. i hate SATS like.. i hated mr. billingsley back then.

i just watch So You Think You Can Dance and i`m thoroughly disappointed that MUSA went home today. i thought that damn good lookin Dmitry lad was going home foh sho. i like to watch and wish that i could dance like all of them. sometimes it gives me goosebumps seeing how good they are and then makes me feel bad about how fat i am. )=

so! today i woke up, ate some vegetable lentil soup with a biscuit, moped around the house until my daily workout session in the basement, went upstairs, moped some more, went to my room and took a shower. my legs are sore and it feels good for some reason. maybe some of that chunk fat is leaving me. WOO BABY. then i watched tv eating peanut butter cereal puffs. went upstairs and spent 2 hours on that stupid SAT packet and almost killed myself. went downstairs to discover that my parents had made a JUICY baby back rib dinner. luckily i didn’t really watch what was goin around in the kitchen til later cus i would’ve drooled all over my disdainful self and gave in. i was angry i didnt have my tofu dinner ready so i had to go cook it myself while the family enjoyed their DUMB DINNER. took me like another half hour to get the shit ready.

now, i`m going to head upstairs to experiment with my hairs and watch 40 YR OLD VIRGIN againnnn!! WOOO. and maybe i`ll read some of that book i just got. my life is so exciting. everyone should want to live it. ALLL OF YOU.

not.

west palm come quiiickk. i can`t wait to see my relatives (:

NOTHING like spending some quality time w/ your favorite pple in the world, eating good food and shopping your heart out. =D

rumble rumble

it`s raining outside, i just finished my WORKOUT SESSION.. im about to go enjoy a tofu and green bean dinner WOOP. hahaha =D i want some thunder so i can go watch 40YR old virgin for the 10th time cus its fun =D and then i get to read the new books i just got in the mail today! HOW EXCITINg is THAT.

today, i also came to a conclusion that i will not be applying to any NC colleges cus you`d be stupid to go down south if you were asian. and that the billions of college letters that i`ve received are 95% safety schools for me. which, i don`t think are very HELPFULLLL.

tomorrow, i will finish my SAT prep packet for next week`s tutor session. i HOPE. okaaaaay so i FINISHED DINNER NOW…. and i am in search of some sweetness for the tummy and entertainment provided by the TELEVIZEEYON itself =D thank you and have a nice day.

when i grow up, i will have two ewok babies (above) [that are actually toy shih-tzu's] i like the one on top the best because he looks angry.

nerdbombers (;

[daily blabbers]

this summer has been alright so far, i work twice a week tutoring — just enough to spend. every morning, i wake up and eat something small, i go downstairs and get my jane fonda on (not literally) for an hour, i sweat & go upstairs, watch tv until i’m tired of the disney channel and then i flip to WB, by 4ish, i flip to the FAMILY CHANNEL! when grounded for life goes on =D. no, i don’t spend most of my day watching tv. in between flips, i eat some, i college prep some, i SAT prep some, and sometimes i call up my friends to have some fun ;D. on days such as this one, i college prepped =D yay for college. at night…. i eat dinner ? n` watch some more tv =D. by 12am, i`m in bed reading good gooooood books.

tomorrow is SENIOR PICTURE DAY. i dont know what to do with my hair. i`m just glad its not all chopped off.